An Apology of Sorts

So recently I have been tremendously humbled by information that I really should have known before, but simply was ignorant of. As you may have read, I wrote a post earlier this month defending Aleister Crowley on the grounds that people were misunderstanding his interpretation of the word "will." I would essentially like to rescind that defense, as, after reading more about him in a lovely book on the history of sex magic by Hugh B. Urban, I have found that Mr. Crowley was in fact culpable of intense hedonism. Now, I had already known about his sexual antics and drug use, but I was unaware that he filed these practices under the heading of "do what thou wilt." Needless to say, I am heartily disappointed. As a side note, the ego for Crowley is based on the Freudian concept, which in turn is based on the sexual identity. Therefore, by completely destroying the conventional sexual self, one can supposedly liberate the ego from its restrictions - this would explain why the eating of feces in the heat of sexual passion if one is motivated to do so is not necessarily a bad thing... At least according to Crowley. I'm not sure how I feel about that, frankly. I believe that there is something to that that could be considered relevant, however, at the same time, much of these believes of his were invented to feed his own growing drug addictions and personal licentiousness.

With that being said, I feel it is necessary for me to redefine law contained in The Book of the Law for myself as such: submit to the virtues of the highest-self, and commit to fulfilling this will with a sense of courage and purpose. Take it upon yourself to interpret the Law as works best for you as an individual, but do not take it upon yourself to blaspheme the Law by appropriating it to fit the cravings of your lowest-self. To do this seems utterly backwards to me, seeing as hermeticism arises from a tradition focused intently on the redemption of the lower-self through the glory of the highest-self.

Ultimately, perhaps I can't shake off my upbringing as a Christian. Maybe part of me just really wants to hold on to those traditions that I appreciate so much in medieval culture. However, I still respect Crowley for his sophisticated and witty writings, as well as his penchant for testing the boundlessness of God. I respect that he is one of the few Qabbalists to stand by the fact that if God has created everything and is truly omnipotent, then God must be equally "evil." Crowley tried very hard to prove that the darker aspect of life, what we term "evil" because we are afraid of it for whatever reason, is not necessarily evil in the eye of God. God transcends the limitations of "good" and "evil," and does not consist wholly of one or the other. It would be naive to assume that It does.

Anywho, this is just some further food for thought. This also does not mean that I will stop using the Thoth Tarot, nor will I stop contemplating what Thelema could mean for people, being a highly individualistic belief system. But I will admit that I have lost some faith in one of my main esoteric teachers and influences. This is what we must do as contemplative beings though; take piecemeal what we admire in one person's cosmology and forge to it our own, or the thoughts of others, until we have a vast network of concepts that is equally independent of the influence of others and is entirely unique unto ourselves. To be sure, each man is a master of his own temple - that's one Crowley quote that I'll keep under my belt.