Limiting the Circle

There is a particularly disconcerting section of St. Paul’s Epistle to the Philippians – 4:8 through 4:9.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

While this is at first a seemingly lovely passage, it makes no logical sense after further review. If God is infinite unmanifested Being, an eternal, infinite circle, if you will, how can we say anything definitive about Him? Furthermore, no one shares the same ideas of “purity,” or “goodness.” Your concepts of these things may be entirely different from mine, and so therefore we cannot take Paul’s advice literally. We cannot suggest that there are universal concepts of “goodness” which apply to God. Rather, more generally, we must accept that God can be expressed by the sum total of potential goods, as cognitively defined by an infinite number of potential people.

Therefore, we must also include things that are “bad” in the understanding of God, for what makes something “bad” other than the fact that it does not immediately satisfy the needs of an individual? One man’s “bad” is another’s “good.” The philosopher Nietzsche wrote extensively on this concept, and of course he is absolutely correct. I could say that a given bacteria is “bad” because it makes me sick, but from that bacteria’s point of view, my white blood cells are “bad” because they’re trying to kill the bacteria. But of course my blood cells in my opinion are quite “good” because they ensure my survival. Survival and security are perhaps the most important things to us on the most fundamental part of our beings. Our emotional needs, such as our need for love and attention, stem from our need for security. When we feel like we do not have these, we are more susceptible to committing faults against others.

Needless to say, God cannot be understood as the “supreme Good,” unless we conceptualize that as being the sum total of all potential goods, which would be infinite. Since of course, all of these would be different, nothing definitive can be said about the nature of God’s goodness. We can only agree in as neutral a sense possible that God is “good.”

The individual perspective is terribly important, and it is a shame Christianity fails to realize this. Its message of self-sacrifice and community building has been so warped that it no longer makes any sense. If we want Christianity to sound less like babbling idiocy and more like a sensible philosophy, we must weed through a tremendous amount of muddled muck. For a religion that is supposed to be so “standardized,” its symbols and myths are too confused, and do not clearly state an obvious doctrine that resonates with human experience as a whole. It projects a very Western mindset. Of course there are many aspects of Christianity that people across the world connect to, particularly ideas of suffering, charity, and equality.

But the human experience at the biological level, the natural level, does not agree with it. In fact, nature, the manifestation of God’s divine law, wholly rejects most of Christianity’s notions. Competition, death, and violence are inherent building blocks of nature. Nature produces itself through these methods, and since they seem to threaten our individual survival, we proclaim them to be bad and use religion to invent a hypothetical desired future-world where none of these things exist. God will supposedly wipe these things clean and there will only be “goodness,” and “peace.” But what would be the consequences of this? How would we deal with overpopulation of every species? The unfortunate reality is that disease, war, and famine are absolutely necessary for every species. God is not just in any moral or human sense of the word, but He is exact. The justice of God ensures that creation is measured appropriately, so that the universe as a whole maintains a perfect equilibrium. Otherwise, imbalance would lead to chaos, which would lead to collapse. So our wistful notions of “peace” are impossible, and are ignorant of reality. We are moving from God and knowledge of Him even further when we focus on goals such as these.

Peace, then, must be on the individual level. Everyone knows of the inner battles we all wage within ourselves. One part of us wants one thing, another part the opposite. Our biological needs contest with our moral desires and vice versa, and thus our decision-making is cluttered and unfocused. But we can ask God for peace in this regard. We can ask the Lord to grant us the power of His Son, His Will and His Word, who represents a sublimely focused willpower. The Divine Will is that which is capable of binding our own disparate will into one complete force. By doing this we attain a state of great power, calm, and wisdom. No longer do we feel insecure and threatened by others, but instead we feel prepared to face greater challenges. We begin to trust that the doors that were once closed will open for us. This is the sense in which peace may lead to progress. This is the kind of inner peace that will lead to better, purer relationships between humans. But “world peace” will never do this. That sort of peace could only be instituted by governments with pens and papers, and could do nothing to truly bring the minds of men and women to peace. Discord starts at the individual level and emanates outward from us, affecting all around us. Fix the issue at the source and spread peace around you in this fashion. But do not believe that peace should come from others sacrificing or effacing themselves for your sake, so that you might have it easier. Sometimes they are wrong and sometimes you are wrong, but these are easier to deal with if at least one of the individuals can approach the situation with calmness, security, and clarity, and not with unchecked, foolish emotions.

Religions have the very unfortunate tendency to dumb doctrine down into myths and stories so that the masses may have access to their wisdom. The issue arises when the masses don’t have the courage or intelligence to see beyond the veil of these stories by checking them against their own experiences and knowledge. It is true that there are some things about God that we cannot logically understand, particularly as was previously demonstrated. Very little can be intelligently and definitively said about God, if anything at all. But logic must not be seen as pointless in terms of spirituality. We must treat life as a science, in which we learn about the world through experimentation. Every experience is an experiment – some yield fruit, others do not. Everyone has the right to choose for themselves which experiences they wish to strive for in order to reap the greatest result. Let no one consider these experiences “bad” or “good,” but only as neutral experiments. Do not invoke God in order to enforce a specific morality. Doing so is to blaspheme against His very nature – to limit His Being. We can no longer say that Judeo-Christian values are the only important values in the world, for we know that many people have gotten along fine without them. Instead, let us yearn to know a God that is far mightier and less petty. Let us desire the Lord who is All, who is Being unmade, and not the idealistic invention of individuals.

A Truly Polyphonic Post

Hello all,

I realize I haven't made a blogpost in over a month! I hate to have been so negligent, but I honestly just haven't felt the need to write anything. After a fairly lonely summer (or at least until the tail end of it), one full of endless contemplation and thinking, it has been nice to not worry about the universe so seriously, or so intensely for awhile.

But in the meantime, there have been many things I've been thinking about as I continue to grow and learn through God's wonderful guidance. Please allow me to share them with you here.

1.) Know that you know nothing, no one else knows anything either, and all of that's alright.

The first thing I learned this summer was pretty simple. Despite my copious factual knowledge of all sorts of odds and ends regarding occultism, Christianity, and philosophy, I know absolutely nothing definitively about the universe. At first, this was truly terrifying for me. I'm the type of person who likes to feel they have the answers to puzzles and problems, and to finally be convinced of my own inadequacy in this regard was really troubling for me. But then it seemed to just pass, and now I'm perfectly ok with it. If anything, I feel more excited to pursue more experiences in life, because I also think this moment in my life taught me to rely more on my own experiences. The hackneyed statement that "experience is the greatest teacher" has a lot of truth in it.

This summer I also began working for the Church, and it got out that I read tarot. Unfortunately, some closed-minded individuals were greatly displeased with this information, and confronted me about it, and eventually left the organization I run. Needless to say, I was pretty distressed by this. Was my ability to read tarot "evil?" or "sinful?" I had to conclude that it wasn't, since it hasn't brought me much of anything other than a simple happiness, and a much stronger faith in God. If anything, it has humbled me more than exalted me, showing and reminding me constantly of my own inabilities and failings, and demonstrating the far superior guidance of God, which even though I trust, I can never seem to obey. In short, I am wretched. But I trust that I am where I should be, and that these are all tests for me. I trust that whatever miseries I create for myself shall be converted into even greater goods by the Lord (or whatever name you wish to give Him/Her).

Through this humility, I have been taught quite sternly and fairly the reality of the above statement: "I know nothing." But if I know nothing, then it is just as likely that no one else knows anything either. And so I came to see that we can only really know about who we are, and how we fit into the universe - that is our sublime ability. But, on the other hand, knowledge of the Universe as a whole is often kept from us, and we must trust that that is what's best for us. We must be content with the knowledge we garner from our own experiences of the universe, for this alone may bring about great happiness.

2.) Fear less, trust more.

Along the same lines, I believe now so firmly alongside Julian of Norwich that we must place all our trust in God, for when we fear, we are more apt to commit faults against other men and women. The man who feels secure has no need to attack others, but the man who feels unfounded develops fear, and this is the root of most evil. For it is true that humans are animals, and we are therefore an aggressive species at times. Certainly there are times when it is best to be aggressive, but not because we feel affronted by our peers. Competition is a necessary aspect of the universe, and it ensures growth, change, and evolution. This is how the universe may attain even greater perfections - this is the wonder of the world. That that which is already so wonderful can become even more wonderful over the ages. True, change is a fluctuation, and it is better to conceptualize development more as a spiral than a line... And as usual, I digress. The point is this: we must believe and have faith that God is constantly with us, observing our trials, our actions, and our thoughts, and He holds all of them in the palm of His hand. There is nothing outside of God's power, and it is best to thank Him for all the constant work He does and support He gives us.

With less fear, we can begin to experience and learn more, and thereby shed our ignorance bit by bit. "Question, O man!" Discover for yourself your own nature, your own truths through your experiences. Accept that all experiences are valid, that none is superior to another, for each experience is the creation of a new reality. Through each moment, God creates anew, and we are witness to it. My friends, as I write this, I cannot help but feel slightly overwhelmed by the magnitude of that statement, and again, I am humbled once more and thankful to the point of tears. There is so much to be thankful for, through good and ill, and we must trust that this is so, even though from our perspectives things may seem entirely bleak at a given moment. But remember that "My ways are not your ways, my thoughts are not your thoughts." Do not be afraid to learn more about life, for our Creator also bears a great zeal for existence, and a deep love for His creations. He does not bar us from participating in any experience, and we must know that the idea of sin is much more specific than was once believed. Sin is personal, and is based on our own recurring trials - for truly life is composed of a spiral of trials and tests that are meant to bring us to even greater glory. Only through trust in the Lord may we triumph over these. Please believe me, for everything in my life has only told me that this is true, and I feel it to be true so strongly within myself that I can do nothing other than speak it aloud.

3.) Do not fear death or loss.

It is only natural to fear these things, but we must again trust that they are not as relevant as we may think them to be. Fear of these things comes from too much focus on the mundane, or from objectifying people. On a personal level, we must remember that the important things of our life are contained safely in our memories, and have left an indelible mark upon our world schema. Through the memory, a being is able to preserve their experiences, and is thus able to grow perpetually through them. Likewise, the same experience may be revisited throughout one's life in order to be observed from different perspectives. Sometimes we do not have the correct tools with which to experience something fairly, and so we have an improper emotional reaction to it. In a simple example, we often think that when people are rude to us it is our fault entirely, or that the individual is just a bad person socially. But later we may come to discover that that person was having tremendous financial difficulty at home, or that one of his loved ones was ill, or even something much more basic - they hadn't eaten and were hungry, so they were quick to snap at others. Obviously there are many possibilities and I'm sure you get the point. But it's easy for us to forget this in the moment, and it is good to keep in mind while experiencing anything of note, that we will most likely not be able to adequately analyze that moment until much later in life. This is how we grow and become more profound individuals - we gain wisdom this way, and more moderate temperament. Thus, fear not for the loss of an experience materially. Instead, trust that if it was truly important to your development as a being, it would remain in your memory, and that it would leave a mark on your identity in some fashion. For instance, attending a class on early music in college has undoubtedly left its mark on me. As much as I miss that class and long for that moment in my life, I know that I am perpetually preserving that experience simply by pursuing other interests in early music. Thus, that moment or experience has not really "died," nor have I lost it.

And as far as literal death is concerned, we must first remember that it is natural, and will happen eventually. We are lucky to be natural beings, but the price of that is subjectivity to death. But I personally believe we must trust that death is not the end of anything, but merely a transmutation of our current energies and identity into something different, so that we may continue to experience. Nature teaches us that death is rarely finite, though of course, this is one of those things that I have learned to just think about less. I can't tell you what happens after death. I can just suggest that it doesn't help to worry about it.

4.) Respect yourself before trying to respect others.

It is impossible to sincerely give charity to others until you give charity to yourself. Firstly, accept that you are flawed, but simultaneously accept that you are learning. Allow yourself to learn and make mistakes, and to try new things. Know yourself well, and know what your needs and capabilities are. Confront the dark parts of yourself fearlessly by treating them impartially. This is not possible immediately, but comes with time. That is the beauty of the memory - we may revisit trauma and the details associated with it endlessly until they all hurt us less. But we must first choose to confront them in the first place, as a solitary soldier may take on many. The courageous will fight until they have emerged victor, but the weak will only give in and be trampled. Courage takes faith, and faith must be in God. Know that strength is available to you, but you must decide to look for it, and you must choose to wield it justly against your enemies. Look for these enemies not outside yourself but within, for indeed they lay in wait very near to you, ready to ambush you at any given opportunity. Therefore, be vigilant and wary - protect yourself with the armor of your experience, intellect, and faith and you will surely survive. The devil is not in your friends, but is in you.

Along these same lines, the idea of a "devil" is confusing. We must not believe that there is a being so turned against God that he desires to confuse and mislead all of God's creations. This is foolishness, for anything that may call itself a being has its existence through God. Thus, the idea of the devil really speaks of that-which-does-not-exist. And since God is all-pervasive and the only reality, there is no such thing as a Satan or devil, unless that figure is an aspect of God. There is so much scorn for this figure because we see only the bad things that this figure causes for us, but in doing so we fail to see that it is not an external enemy that is causing the grievances, but rather an internal one we have created ourselves, willingly or unwillingly. These become trials for us, and we learn and become stronger through them. We find faith through them. And so this is how we may come to laugh at "the devil" and how we may see "him" as "good," and how we must accept that his actions are for our improvement and come from the will of God. For truly no other agenda may exist, and no other being may exist. There is only God and the will of God.

Benedicite Domine!

The New Dilemma for Divine Love

There is a crisis upon the Christian community, and anyone else who believes Christ gave a valuable message. It is none other than the issue of homosexuality.

You may grab your Bible and cite several instances throughout the work in which the action of homosexuality is vigorously condemned, but Christ himself never singles it out as a sin. The Word of God in the flesh is silent on the issue. But Paul (that bastion of liberal opinions on gender) certainly has things to say, as does Lot, and supposedly the God of the Old Testament himself. For these figures, homosexuality is a sin that must be rooted out and eliminated, and is akin to idolatry, adultery, and general whoredom.

At the same time, however, it is generally accepted that the overall purpose of Christ's message was to reveal to man that God is forgiving and loving despite our flaws. What made Christianity so appealing to men and women of late antiquity, a period characterized by a fashionable love of syncretism and all things Jewish or Egyptian, was that it connected all the dots, so to speak, between these Mediterranean ideologies. It acted as the sequel to the Torah, which was greatly respected as all "holy books" were at the time; it contained the myths of resurrection espoused in Mithraism, Greek mythology (I'm thinking of Dionysus being torn apart by the Titans and being resurrected by Zeus), and the Egyptian religion; it posits a trinitarian God along the lines of Neo-Platonism, and Philo the Jew and others would have been thrilled with its inclusion of the Logos factor; it included mystical apocalyptic texts, which certainly were in vogue at the time; and it catered to the growing demand for privatized ritual centered around some sort of specific sacrament only allowed to the initiated. It is very difficult to say anything definitive about Christianity because of its bizarrely adoptive origins. What came first? And, if he came back today, would Christ's life be told in quite the same way? Wouldn't the new cultural demands color the story differently as it did in the religion's origins? In some ways these characteristics were contemporary selling points, and strong ones at that. It incorporated the most popular aspects of religion and magic of the time, while also delivering a powerful, redemptive message: God is love, and is willing to die for that love.

But what happens when this message is undermined by its own proponents? The Catholic

Church and other fundamentalist Christian institutions have raised a strong campaign against homosexuality, deeming it unnatural and the result of a "sick" society. As I'm sure many of you are aware, their argument has reached such high pitches as to create atrocities like the Westboro Baptist Church's signs that read, "God hates fags." While this does not characterize the Christian anti-gay sentiment as a whole, it is quite obviously worrisome. The notion that God "hates" someone because they have sinned is glaringly antithetical to the "God is love" message. On the more mild end of the spectrum, Catholics agree that the primary issue is one of procreation - God made Adam and Eve, man and woman, and that's that, end of discussion. Marriage, therefore, also must consist of this bond between man and woman solely. But what do we do when we find homosexual animals in nature? The line between "choosing" to be homosexual and simply being homosexual becomes irrevocably blurred. For the Church, animals do not have free will, and therefore cannot choose to be anything but what they are. While one can argue that man, in his ability to "choose the higher road," should choose to reject homosexual behavior, we can no longer deny the simple fact that the great Author of nature somehow slipped homosexuality into Mother Earth's architecture.

Then there is the argument, "hate the sin, love the sinner." But how is the expression of love between two individuals, whether two men or two women, a sin? Surely the issue is not about caritas, platonic love shared between neighbors. The issue comes down to eros, erotic love and sexual intercourse. The problem lies in the fact that reproduction cannot occur without opposing sexes. And yet, Pope Benedict has written that agape (sort of similar to caritas) and eros are two halves of one "true love." Therefore, God Himself must embody this sort of love, both passive agape and active eros, modulating in currents of both. Marriage is the greatest representation of this, as it depends on both forms as well. But eros, the pope explains, is grossly misunderstood by mainstream culture today, and it is really about the desire to possess something as one's own for unselfish reasons. True love is all about the sublime act of giving oneself and receiving another simultaneously. I believe the problem with society's interpretation of sex is that there's too much eros and not enough agape. It stresses the importance of sex's materiality, the idea that one gains some sort of accreditation by having intercourse, and thus it breeds individuals who only know how to take and possess and not give back equally.

Here lie several hitches, however. Firstly, if God embodies true love for all people, He must therefore also be homosexual, unless we finally dispense of the whole singularly gendered God idea. Secondly, how can we love as God does - indiscriminately - if we do not possess an equal agape and eros for both men and women alike? How do we act "as Jesus would do" if we are not willing to entertain a desire to essentially wed both sexes? If to marry is to perfectly embody God's love, then why do we deny marriage to same-sex couples? Does God, because he is supposedly male, not want to marry other men? Whatever one's definition of eros may be, it is crucial for us to truly understand Divine Love in its full scope by breaking down the segregating effect of marriage's limited social definition. Otherwise, we are left with a God that we are meant to emulate to the best of our abilities by following in Christ's example, but who, at the same moment, expects us to disregard entirely any feelings of love toward another of the same sex. It is dreadfully paradoxical and confusing, but it is what we are confronted with.

Christ is often termed the "Second Adam," as he reverses the mistake the first man made at the Fall. Adam failed to obey God and sacrifice his own egoistic curiosity in the name of love. He did what we moderns do and chose only eros without agape. But Christ managed both, and preached that God loves all people, and that we must learn to love in this same way. So now we have a few options. For one thing, either the papacy must revise its statements or change its position on homosexuality entirely. Additionally, we now may choose essentially between two Gods - one that represents a selective love, and one that embodies a holistic, indiscriminate love. What is more important to Christianity? the words of the Apostles? or Christ, the living Word? the apocalyptic image of Christ as Judge throwing sinners into lakes of fire? or the absolutely fundamental and foundational concept that a redemptive God is a loving God? For these reasons, we absolutely must resolve to admit that homosexuality is warranted by the infinite capacity of Divine Love, otherwise the whole religion implodes upon itself.

Why Searching for God is Important

Lately, I have been confronted by several people who have grown skeptical of God and the act of searching for It. They've asked me things like, "but what is spirituality?" and, "what is religion?" or said things such as, "I've already spent a great deal of time looking for Him and I couldn't find Him, so it seems pretty pointless." This all distresses me intensely as I look at these people and wonder, how can you not believe in God? I'm not talking about the demiurgic god of the Old Testament or Greek mythology - the kind that will interfere with your life for seemingly little reason; rather, I'm talking simply about God the Universe, the "pantacle of the whole," so to speak.

Firstly, look around you. For once, don't take it for granted; I want you to truly recognize what you're looking at It doesn't matter what it is because that's the secret - it is. As God is the great "I am," so is existence.

Things exist.

From absolutely nothing there has been made, for whatever reason, by whatever methods, something. How does that not truly stagger your mind? And even if it was not fashioned by God's ideal hands, is it not useful to consider oneself blessed to be a part of this creation? You exist. You are here at this moment with the ability to contemplate and comprehend these words, and for once, I'm asking you to really question the import of that, for that is truly miraculous. Existence alone is a deity deserving of praise since we are lucky enough to be a part of existence's vast body. So why is it then foolish to aimlessly search for that which is the source of it all? Should we not be in awe of that which was the first speck? The first thought? The first will? Do you love your home? Your family? Your own self? Do you love anything at all?

These all must have come from somewhere, and all these things have existed in some form (albeit perhaps not fused in their current form) since the creation of the universe. Form is transitory, but existence is endless. Therefore, should we not recognize the rapture of that one moment when everything we know and will ever love was suddenly exploded into existence? Should we not stand speechless over that? Are we jaded enough by our "isolation" from God that we cannot appreciate all that it, at least as an allegorical being has done?

Let us go further. All this stuff we call existence must be considered one thing. It must be seen as one constantly changing system of simply nothing and things, as all things are made of the same components: combinations of atoms in various forms and negative space. Any chemical system must function as a whole, for instance, if I have a swimming pool and I drop 3 drops of food coloring in, the molecules of those three infinitesimal drops will eventually be dispersed relatively evenly throughout the pool, provided the pool is at equilibrium and there is nothing living in the pool that can consume the food coloring. We all know that when you stir a mixture, it tends to blend together much faster than if you were to simply let it sit placidly.

The same principle applies to the ever-churning Universe. Nothing in the Universe can continue to exist without changing - this is why things die. Death is necessary to continue creation - chemists and physicists will confirm this principle. So therefore, if we are constantly releasing "drops of food coloring" in the form of energy expended through every thought and action both conscious and unconscious (energy, which can never be contained within a system, it too simply transforms), can we not see that those thoughts and actions will have ramifications throughout the entire universe, even if they are infinitesimal in regards to the entire universe? Even if they take eons to reach the corners of the universe? Believe me, the universe has the time.

As much as the universe loves chaos, it also loves equilibrium - that swimming pool is always going to strive for equilibrium, and if we pretend that swimming pool is a perfectly enclosed system, then the amount of "stuff" and energy within the pool will never change but

will simply transform/transfer no matter how much chaos is present within the pool system. Therefore, that entire system must simultaneously accommodate the workings of each individual atom within itself, and here we can understand Crowley's lovely statement "the dropping of a pin excites a reaction within every star." (This includes us, as "Every man and woman is a star.") The point of this enormous explanation and diatribe on basic laws of science is this: this oneness of life is wonderfully intricate, well-ordered, self-sufficient, and (dare I say) aware. It knows how to function. Electrons know when they're being observed and change their properties to suit this observation. Can we not say that electrons demonstrate a kind of wacky omniscience? They actually change their properties from either wave or particle based on observation. Guess what: we're made of electrons. So therefore, anything physical that we see as "constant" is a lie, as it is technically changing its makeup perpetually. The ancient Hindu concept of reality being false and enlightenment bestowing true vision upon the adept is actually true. Guess what again: electrons can never be located within a given time within an atom; their location can only be guessed based on laws of probability. In fact, physicists have suggested that the electron moves in and out of this dimension at random. Say what? Yup. So essentially, you're technically here sometimes and sometimes partially not, and actually, what you think you are is entirely not what you are. What you are is part of God, which is everything, which is eternal. Therefore, how can you not have a piece of you that is also eternal, as in a soul (or whatever term best suits you)? Since the idea of you had to be created at the beginning of things, then can that idea not be eternal? It can't exactly dissipate, can it?

This is why it is important to trust human mystical and religious experience - because there is truth to it that has been known well before the supposed dawn of science in the 18th century.

The Age of Enlightenment cannot monopolize truth, for truth has always been accessible through the subjective lenses of individuals. Otherwise Zoroaster would not have been able to say thousands of years ago that the universe is similar to the vulture's spiral neck only to be echoed by Einstein who also believed the universe to be spiral-shaped, and energy to work in spirals. Therefore, should we not trust the bulk of human experience which from day one trusted in a unified sense of deity? Can we not simply trust that the existence we all share forms one mass of incredible existence that is divine simply because it exists? What makes something divine anyway? Divine is a simply a word/symbol used to describe something greater than the individual self, and the word bestows great importance, honor, and reverence upon such a thing. We can choose as individuals to see anything as divine since it is all divine. It is all wondrous, and has all always been here, and has always been one thing. Is this not something to consider divine? If it isn't, then I vote to abolish the word "divine" from the English language, as it would no longer have a useful place in it.

Some have argued that we have no divine purpose - that we are just like the animals. This is true to an extent. But talk to anyone you know and I guarantee you they don't believe their life is just about eating and sex. We would see an individual like that as utterly backwards.

Since our beginnings as a species with an absurdly large brain, we have all felt that there's something more to the regular meaning we confer on things. Some will attribute this to the ego and man's selfish need for personal validation. But nothing natural has been created without purpose, and that drive must be relevant to our existence. It is the drives that we have created ourselves which are unnecessary and hindering to hearing God's voice, though, perhaps this is useful too. "Sin is befitting," says God to Julian of Norwich, my most beloved female mystic hailing from the 14th century. Striving makes one appreciate that which one strives for so much

more, as we have seen with existence. Existence will always become regular to us. Even the things we strive for here are destined to jade us. But knowledge and feeling of the unity of life and complete trust in God? That is something to truly appreciate, as it is constant and unyielding. God/Existence will always be - it is the only constant (as I have attempted to explain scientifically). That iPhone you just worked a month to buy will feel really great to play with at first, but in another month, it will simply become another phone, and from there, another object you have to carry around.

And finally, to the people who have tried searching for God and who feel like they have failed: congratulations. You have lived, and you have been human. Humans question the divine and often come up with no definitive answers. Questioning is programmed into us like the will to eat. You have failed in nothing - even most mystics are left questioning for their entire lives, like Julian who became an anchoress just for the sake of meditating on her Showings. And has the search not made you a better person? Has it not made you grapple with your identity? Your demons? With what it is you believe existence to be about? How is that not beneficial to a developing mind? In a scientific experiment, if you fail to prove your hypothesis, does that still mean your experiment failed? Of course not! You have provided data for the ones who will follow you. They will try to learn from your mistakes, and will hopefully grow even further (this should be exciting at this point, since I have hopefully swayed you in the direction of believing in unified existence). I believe that St. Augustine and Julian of Norwich were correct when they said that God needs to be looked for, and God loves it when we look for it. And yet, there is nothing really to look for, is there? It is everywhere.

Proof of God is everything that exists. The mystic Jacob Böehme was correct when he declared that all of existence is constantly praising the name of the Creator, as existence is of the creator. God is of us, God is around us, above

and below, in front and behind. It is indeed difficult to find it within us, burdened as we are with an ego that simply does not shut up. Ever. But I know it is there - I feel it. I haven't been able to empirically prove it to myself yet, but I know it's there. I don't need someone else to tell me or to dissuade me, because nothing can change my mind. And even if I never attain true knowledge of that divine spark that lies within me, I can at least continue to enjoy the search, for by searching for the Holy Grail, one can at least know that they are hoping to be everything they "are" and more - everything, in fact.